Regrets
by Lancelotlaureate
Summary: Sara Kingdom had killed her own brother Bret Vyon. They had been close once, grown up together. But the Guardian told her he was a traitor and she could never disobey orders.


" _Bret Vyon was my brother!"_

 _Sara repeated the words in her mind hoping that if she thought it again and again it would cease to be true. She'd killed him because she thought he was a traitor but she hadn't even asked- she'd simply pulled the trigger before even uttering his name. It couldn't be true, it couldn't. How could Bret not be the traitor? Mavic Chen had told her he was. And now her brother was dead, his life taken away and his body left behind, and she had no time to mourn him, only live with her decision to operate with unquestioning obedience to the guardian._

…

"Bang, bang, you're dead!" Sara said as she held the replica laser gun over the body of ten year old Bret. The boy moaned and sat up, unhurt but irritable and scowling at his little sister who was looking at him with satisfaction.

"I'm not dead, you tricked me! And that's my gun not yours, dad gave that to me."

Sara folded her arms. "Only because you're older and happened to get there first. Everyone knows I'm going to be the best shot one day."

"You're nasty, Sara," Bret whimpered as she shoved him. "Why can't you ever play by the rules?"

"I make my own rules."

Just as Sara had let her guard down and started to gloat, Bret suddenly pounced from the floor, leapt at her and disarmed her playfully, holding the laser gun at her and pointing it at her head. "Aim for the head," he said. "Isn't that what dad says?"

Sara's face twisted into an irritable scowl. "You're a traitor Bret, a massive traitor."

…

" _He was a traitor," Sara told herself as she took a moment away from Steven and the Doctor and the never-ending questions. "They told me he was a traitor, but he wasn't."_

 _She looked down at her navy blue all-in-one work suit and ran her fingers over the square fastenings. The suit was still perfectly clean and undamaged, showing no sign at all of what she had done._

…

Sara finished putting on her new Space Security uniform for the first time and looked at herself in the mirror, briefly smiling at how well it suited her. She looked younger than her age and she hated that part, she looked so fresh faced and innocent, so untouched by the cruelties of the universe. She was willing as a new agent to venture out into the unknown and help others of less privilege who were suffering at the hands of evil throughout the galaxy and she was determined she would make a difference, do her job to the best she could, and never give in.

There was a knock on the door before Bret stepped into the room and smiled at her admiringly.

"Suits you."

Sara hit him playfully, not used to compliments on anything other than her work credentials. "It's not here to suit me. It's just a uniform to show we're all one and the same."

"Well you're my sister first, colleague second if you don't mind."

"Of course." She smiled, but there was fear in her voice when she spoke. "We'll always look out for one another, won't we Bret?"

"Sara is there something you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm just going to miss home and the place where mum and dad brought us up, where we learnt how to fight, where I won my awards, and where we said goodbye."

"Mum and dad would be very proud of you."

Sara bit her lip to stop herself crying. She refused to show sadness on such an important day and was certainly not going to let her brother see she was vulnerable or nostalgic for fear he would not think she was strong enough for the missions ahead.

"Before we go," Bret said as he twiddled his thumbs nervously. "I've met someone, that is…on my last stop over I met this man…Carrick…and well we've gotten pretty close. I wanted to tell you first."

Sara frowned. She felt she was losing him already. First her mother had died during the war, then her father had died shortly after his retirement, and the few friends she did have were either having families of their own or travelling on missions as she was. Bret had been the one constant in her life, her only company as the days of training for the SSS had taken so much out of her physically and mentally.

She tried not to let the feelings of disappointment show on her face. "I see. And he makes you happy?"

"Madly."

"I always knew you'd be the first one to go off and fall in love with a man." She smirked cheekily at him.

Bret laughed. "So you are happy for me?"

"As long as your work with the SSS doesn't suffer."

They hugged before Sara pulled away awkwardly.

"Are you ready Sara?"

…

The cork flew out of the champagne bottle at high speed as a small crowd of people whopped and cheered. The frothy liquid oozed gently down the side of the bottle and onto Bret Vyon's fingers.

"Off to a good start," he said as he tried to control the liquid from dripping onto the floor. When he failed, he groaned- he'd always had a short temper and never liked it when he didn't get things right. "Oh blast!"

He finally managed- after a few moments of cursing under his breath- to place the bottle back into the champagne bucket before the liquid found its way onto his Space Security Service suit which had been perfectly cleaned and pressed and had a ceremonial sash added for the occasion. Bret wasn't fond of the formal wear at home, but he was unsurprisingly fond of it on the most important day of his life.

As the champagne was poured and everyone held up their glasses into the air, Bret and Carrick (a handsome fair haired, slim-built man) placed their arms around each others shoulders.

"Congratulations Bret and Carrick Vyon!" the crowd cheered in happy unison as confetti and flower petals fell upon their hair and clothing.

"I'm still not sure about taking your name," Bret said stubbornly even though he'd agreed to it months prior in a long debate at Carrick's parents' home.

Carrick laughed. "You can't really expect me to be taken seriously with a name like Carrick Kingdom?"

Bret smiled, nodded, and then drifted off into contemplation as he watched the guests filter away and mingle with one another in various parts of the space deck where the ceremony was being held.

Stood back a few paces, slightly out of her depth in a social gathering, Sara Kingdom stood awkwardly by the buffet food machine cradling her glass in her hands, too shy to put it on to the table where a crowd of people had gathered.

"My dear sister," Bret said as he approached her finally. He smiled to himself, noticing she was still wearing her work uniform. "What do you think of the spread?"

Sara smirked lightly. "Spread on a bit thick I think."

"You haven't changed a bit since I last saw you."

"And should I have?" There was a sharp tone to the question.

"We all change eventually, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Are you happy for your ugly brother?"

"Of course. Just because marriage is nonsense for me, doesn't mean I think it is for you."

Carrick joined his new husband and sister-in-law at the buffet machine. "How are you Sara, it's been a while, I hear promotion after promotion has been in order?" He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I've been very busy with it, but Bret must tell you how busy the SSS keeps you."

Carrick gave Bret a knowing glance. "Yes, I'm all too aware of that. I've only seen him a handful of times this year. Not a great way to start a marriage."

"Your job keeps you busy too," Bret added. "Did Carri tell you Sara, he's been posted away to Satellite 29 to examine Varga plants?"

Sara's eyes glistened with curiosity. "Very interesting, Carrick. Now at least you won't be so lonely separated from my brother when you have so much important work to do."

Carrick kissed Bret on the cheek. "Oh no, I'll still be lonely. It's one of the reasons I wanted to be married, spend more time with him… in case of…"

Bret held onto Carrick's hand tenderly, softly stroking his fingers. "There's nothing to worry about."

"The SSS will keep us perfectly safe," Sara began. "We're all working to achieve the same goal and as long as we…"

"Always obey the orders of the guardian," Carrick finished for her with a certain disdain. "You sound exactly like your brother."

Sara promptly stopped what she had been saying, not keen to dampen the mood of a wedding day celebration and annoy her new brother-in-law in the process.

"Anyway," she said. "Congratulations. I hope you'll be very happy. My brother and Carrick together for a lifetime I hope."

…

There was a tap at the door of Sara's quarters in the Space Security Service building situated east of Central City. Sara's room was modestly sized and perfectly clean, not a trace of any homely items except for a single photograph of she and Bret as children with their parents. It was taken on a rare holiday on Venus, inside a large dome with beaches and forests and everything you could possibly think of to do. Family time and relaxation was not usual for the Kingdom family but when it happened it was very precious and a time to remind themselves how important it was to get a break and spend time together.

Unfortunately Sara hadn't taken her own families' advice and hadn't contacted Bret for months, partly because of missing one another with many tasks and work duties, but also because she simply hadn't found the right words to say. Bret and Carrick had invited her to dinner several times, she had always been busy, but she had not found time to spend even one evening with them, rather working on extra projects than thinking up small talk for her inevitable conversations with Carrick.

She hadn't expected it to be Bret at the door, but when he entered the room she found herself smiling at the sudden amount of facial hair above his top lip.

"You look ridiculous with that moustache," she said without tact.

"Carrick likes it, says it suits my face, but I wouldn't worry I'm not sure of it myself. I'll probably shave it off before duty." He was rarely offended by Sara's bluntness.

Sara smiled. "Was there something you wanted?"

"I'm glad to see you're not dead."

"I beg your pardon?!"

"You've ignored all my transmissions, messages and just about everything else. Short of trying a carrier pigeon, I thought I'd better pop by and check you hadn't succumbed to that sickness that's been going around."

"I was meaning to contact you it's just all the extra training. You've been just as busy and just as grumpy too, Carrick's blog said you'd just returned from a weekend stuck in a swamp."

"Carri really must stop telling everyone about these things. The Guardian will have my head on a pole if he thinks my husband is giving away important information."

"He's being foolish. We have rules."

Sara looked at her brother and wished she hadn't said it. There were many things she wished she'd kept on the inside but she was often rash with her actions and her words- always an 'act first, ask questions later' sort of person.

"He doesn't mean to meddle. He just likes to remind me that he misses me. And speaking of missing people, I've missed you. You are my sister after all in case you've forgotten."

Sara was annoyed. "Of course I haven't forgotten!"

"Well, alright then, I'll let it slide. We all get a little caught up in work matters. We don't want to make mistakes, let the Guardian down."

…

 _Sara saw Bret reaching for his gun and she reached for hers. She got there first and fired. He fell to the floor where he stood just like he had when they were children, only then he hadn't really been dead and he was going to get back up again. For a moment as she approached him to do a search of his uniform, she almost expected him to sit up, to look at her and laugh, to complain that she'd beaten him. She forced herself to look away, not become emotional, not to be distracted from her duty. He was a traitor and traitors had to be dealt with. In that moment there was no Bret Vyon._

…

Sara collided with fellow agent Kert Gantry in the mess hall of the Space Security Service building. He was carrying some bags of equipment and seemed to be in an almighty rush, nearly knocking Sara over as their bodies made contact. Sara was angry and ready to tell the man how stupid he was but she looked at him and realised she recognised him.

"You're Gantry aren't you? You're the agent due to head to Kembel with my brother?"

Kert looked at her curiously, smiling as he looked her over. "You must be the infamous Sara Kingdom. I'm afraid you've just missed him. He's already at the ship. Did you come to see him off?"

Sara fidgeted. She wished it had been the reason but in truth she never intended to say goodbye, too caught up in work matters to find the time. "Not as such, I was ready to leave for a mission myself, wondered if he was here, that's all."

"Would you like me to pass on a message?"

"No, it's alright. I'm curious, is the mission related to the disappearance of Marc Cory?"

Kert smiled politely. "I'm afraid we're not allowed to discuss it, but then I guess you know that already."

"Of course."

She smiled quickly and turned away. She'd missed seeing her brother yet again and this time Sara felt a sense of regret for not arriving sooner. It had now been almost two years since the two had met in her quarters. In that time she had been so busy she barely had time to think, and for almost six months of it, Bret and Carrick had been stationed on the same satellite as each other and so she hadn't wanted to intrude with a visit. But as time went on and the seasons changed, Sara realised she didn't know Bret much anymore. She no longer remembered his jokes or his thoughts on the universe and its politics, she couldn't remember what holo-novels he enjoyed reading or what songs he listened to. But then he didn't know her either, didn't realise how strong she'd become, how independent and determined. In many ways they were like strangers.

When she arrived back at her quarters she prepared herself for some rest, staring at herself in the mirror as she did everyday. She'd be busy in the upcoming months with the alliance and various peace talks, and already she'd noticed how much she'd aged in the last few years, no longer the fresh faced recruit but now someone with experience. She sometimes swore she could see wrinkles upon her face as though she was aging far before her time.

…

" _Incidentally a happy Christmas to all of you at home," the Doctor said as they stood inside the TARDIS._

" _Who are you talking to?" Steven said as he stared ahead of him in confusion but the Doctor ignored him and began circling the console and inputting data. Steven laughed and approached Sara, tapping his glass against hers. "Are you one for celebrating Christmas, Sara?"_

 _Sara shrugged. "Growing up on various planets and stations we were used to many traditions, festivals and religions so occasionally we celebrated when we had the time."_

…

Twelve year old Sara wobbled as she sat on Bret's shoulders holding the star for the top of the Christmas tree. "Stretch higher!" she barked at him. "I can't reach."

"It's not my fault you're short," he said before receiving a kick to his chest.

Finally, after a moment or two of squabbling, they reached the height of the tree and Sara placed the star gently on the top. Bret lowered his sister to the floor and they admired the decorated tree in silence for a moment.

"Not bad," Bret said nudging her. "We're better when we work together wouldn't you say?"

Sara grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly, looking up at her big brother with admiration. She may never have told him how much she respected him and wanted to follow in his footsteps; that wasn't her style but she only had one brother and to her he was the most important person in the entire universe.


End file.
